~ about balance & changes

so my dears, good morning to you!

 it has been a heavily stormy night here, which followed a really warm evening,

with stars shining on the sky & us laying on our backs, on a blanket in our little balcony,

watching them...

a nice way to relax after a grilling dinner...

this is a rather emotionally charged period for us,

as we are reaching to a decision about 

a new place for us to live.

I mention "us", because my partner has actually to go through

lots of mornings where I wake up with tears in my eyes,

looking around me,

seeing how much I have come to love this place we currently live in

&

not exactly be thrilled for sooner or later eventually moving out.

.................................

I'm almost certain that in the process,

happiness & excitment about making a new home

will be the prevailing feeling & attitude...

still, till then, I cannot turn my back to my feelings,

neither my emotions,

by simply rationalising...

and exactly because this new transitional period in which we have enterred

is an emotionally & practically demanding one,

I have noticed that I'm temporarily falling behind

on matters that I have to and would otherwise 

be thrilled to proceed with.

....................

having both graduated from Psychology,

practised it daily with children and their parents

for more that 12 years,

and gone through my personal psychoanalysis,

I know that rationalising 

{aka ignoring, locking feelings in the closet, pretending power e.t.c}

is only a slightly good solution for a short term period.

having always been interested in long term outcomes,

and a general promotion of one's mental & physical health, love, abundance,

creativity & peacefulness,

am deciding to make a little pause today, just for now,

in order to pay attention to all these feelings,

that have been preventing

a more effective every day life from my side.

.....................

so, why is it that the upcoming movement of ours is of such a heavy significance to me?

To start with, I obviously love the apartment we are now & since 3 1/2 years living in & renting.

 I adore so many of its characteristics, which will sadly not all be present in one of the new places we are considering.

 This little loft / Penthouse has been my first home, ever since I relocated in Germany,

in order to live together with my partner.

It therefore marks a whole new life to me...

 a life in a new country, away from my family & my friends,

a life which demands adjustment to new weather & clima conditions,

as Germany & Greece do have a lot of differences in this domain,

{a maximum of 80 sunshiny days per year, in contrast to the 300 ones in Greece}

a life away from the sea, next to which I grew up,

&

 all the daily routines it carries with,

from the fresh breeze to swimming as an exercise,

a new culture & and off course a new language,

as German was not included I the foreign languages I spoke.

a life where I suddendly had to start all over form the beginning being 33,

a life away from many things I so much loved {and perhaps had not appreciated so much}

and all that for a life next to the one person I love

and loves me back.

.............

addionally, these 3 1/2 years that I' ve been living in Germany

have also been marked with a lot of loses:

my most beloved person on earth, the woman who brought me up

and led a loving and fullfilling life for 94 years,

my grand mother Iro, 

passed away in less than a month after I left.

my family's financial state changed to the worse and the beautiful 

big home by the sea I grew up in had to be sold.

I was personally involved in selling our house,

finding a new one & finally completely designing it 

from the beginning, making it appropriate for my parents,

so that the downgrade in size would not cause them too much sadness,

while instead a more effective & positive every day life could be achieved.

I was there for 8 eight weeks alltogether in order to coordinate the workers

and the renovation. 

I was there to help my mother organise every little single bit of their home & household

I was there last summer to goodbuy our family dog Bianca,

which was put to sleep at the age of 20,

so that she didn't suffer any more.

I was not there a few days ago when my little car got sold,

so as the economical situation to be slightly relieved.

...........................

I feel that a lot of changes have been taking place in my life that past few years.

 I just sometimes wonder whether I'm ready for a next one.

Still in this case, there is no choice.

As my partner has been delaying this movement for as long as possible,

in order for me to feel comfortable...

&

3 1/2 years is a fairly long period...

On top of that, investing into buying a place in our age range is nothing but a wise decision.

... as much as I'm emotional now,

I know that a few weeks ahead, I'll come back to this post,

read my current feelings,

&

be happy that I was strong enough to proceed,

capable enough to see opportunity amongst difficulty,

and motivated enough to build a new beautiful home for us to love, live in,

promoting our well being

all this is being shared  here in my effort to overcome being petrified by my feelings

cause this is really not right

&

if one decision is made, it's to never place myself into any corner,

for any reason,

and 

learn to be out there in life, in full force,

totally appreciative of all that there is

while

making possible all that there is not.

... there is no need to wear a "red blouse" in order to make my presence felt...

there is no need to be loud in order to be heard.

I'm here and I know that many of you will agree that the inner power love,

hope, wisdom, experience & peace carry is incomparable...

and one cannot talk of peacefullness & act in a tensed manner, right?

from deep down of my existence,

I know that since some time I'm walking on the right path,

and however difficult it might in times become,

there's always bright light at the end

..................

now if you have managed to read this, you are probably brave people

and I'm one relieved woman,

who can finally have breakfast {so untypical of me to skip this meal of the day!}

&

then allow all my pure enthusiasm about writing in this blog return

and come to proceed with sharing trully wonderful things happening as well...

little ones perhaps, but wonderful, too ; )

have the most delightful of Wednesdays!

I promise that I'll do just the same, too  ~

♥

P.S: details about the picture on the top, coming in the next post, so do pass by later ; ) xx